life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
