Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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