3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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