I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
