well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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