I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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