your parents love me but you hate me
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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