omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
