people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Randomize
