hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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