Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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