So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i can't believe i had my finger in that
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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