y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
