the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
