Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
