I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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