Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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