Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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