The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
