Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
