I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
