Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I AM VODKA MAN
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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