It's Friday. Sex?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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