I think im going to throw up on grandma
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
