you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
