I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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