Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she looked like the before picture.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
