So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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