im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
