Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
