She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
