glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
