I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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