Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
