My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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