It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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