I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
