I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
