I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
