i jhust puked up my retainher.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
