We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
