If i could tip my vagina, i would.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
