I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
