I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
