literally had 100 drinks last night.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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