you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
