He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
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