I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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