Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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