I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
