I just saw a hot homeless man
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
