There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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